Helping Children Cope with Divorce

Helping Children Cope with Divorce

Posted on Feb 16, 2011 in Divorce by divorges 0 Comments

Although New Jersey has the lowest divorce rate in the United States, divorce is still a reality for many couples today. Talking to their children about an impending divorce can be one of the most difficult tasks parents may face. Parents may wish to shelter their children, but research shows this is not the best choice. Children need time to adjust to this new phase in their lives, as well as honest, age-appropriate answers to their questions.

Dr. Scott Roth, a New Jersey psychologist specializing in child and family services, suggests being honest and direct, while keeping all adult matters regarding the proceedings between the adults. Any attempt to bring the child into the divorce by discussing court orders, settlements, or even strategies can be extremely damaging to the children.

Because divorce itself may be confusing to children, it is important for parents to listen to their children and answer questions, following the children’s lead. Young children may need help verbalizing their feelings and may blame themselves for the divorce. Blame should not be placed on either parent or any individual, and details are unnecessary. The permanency of divorce will need to be established to avoid giving the children false hope.

Once the separation occurs, Dr. William Sears, Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine, School of Medicine, says that children need to be reassured of their parents’ love and availability. Their routine should be established and the custodial home should be well organized. Though each parent will ultimately have different parenting and discipline styles, this should not become an area of power struggles or arguments. Children will understand and adapt.

Tags: Divorce